As I grow closer to getting out of debt, I wonder how in the heck did I let things get so out of control? I proceed to look down at the hang over on my belt and wonder again. How did I let things get out of control? It's time to get it back.
We have considered selling the house for a while now. I have thought of selling for good reasons such as paying off debt or "stupid tax" as Dave Ramsey calls it. Or the bad reasons like, "I'll just sell the house, be financially free, and run from problems instead of dealing with them and fixing them as an adult would (or should).
Some people may think I have been focused, dedicated, and "forced to grow up at such a young age," (said with a high pitched mocking voice). The truth is, I have been playing the role of a "grown up" sense I was 15 (as best a 15 year old can). I have been faking it. I have lived my life based on what I imagined would bring me happiness and make me "grown up." I got married, bought a house at 18, went to school etc. I don't regret my decisions but I think somewhere along the way I went a little overboard. I bought the big TVs, nice cars, and big Christmas's. I quickly learned that the future is uncertain and debt sucks. I am starting to forgive myself for falling into that pattern and learn from the consequences.
As most young people, I was on the fast track to arrive where I thought I wanted to be. I have wined about the crumble of my mini empire in previous blogs and don't want to do that anymore. I am proud for what we have achieved. In fact, ironically, we have an offer on the house, and we are current with our bills and actually starting to pay "stupid tax" down. We are doing pretty well. What are we to do? We are excited about the future and feeling ready for a change but also can't help but feeling like I'm giving my dream away.
I will say that by hitting my rock bottom, I have been forced to be real with the fact that I have not been honest with my emotions. I even hesitate to examine them because when I dig deep, the emotions I become aware of feel humiliating. SO humiliating that I cover them up with big TVs, fancy cars, and cake and ice cream.
On the brighter side, I am ready though to trim the fat. Figuratively and literally. I am ready to get rid of debt, and fat literally. I am weighed down. Ready to enjoy life again. I'm ready to snap out of it and get focused. I'm ready to get excited about the future and open my mind to possibilities. But to do this I have to make sense of why I am where I am right now.
Therefore ladies and gentleman. "TIME TO TRIM THE FAT" as a wise teacher once told me (not at all referring to me and my love handles. But words I won't forget.) and apply this to my life. As of today, I start eating lean meats, vegetables, doing my debt diet workbook, and confronting my humiliating emotions for what they are and stop covering them up with lard. ;)
So the journey begins.